I came across a blog post today from a self proclaimed misanthrope. He claimed that many basic courtesies were the result of societal conditioning and were ultimately pointless. I could not disagree more. One of my favorite authors had this to say on the subject;
Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untraveled, the naive, the unsophisticated deplore these formalities as “empty,” “meaningless,” or “dishonest,” and scorn to use them. No matter how “pure” their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that does not work too well at best.
The one thing that all humans require for optimal health is the approval of our kind, that is we want to be liked. Now on a personal level we will seek approval in small but important ways. “do you like this dress?” “I took the garbage out” “my homework is done” “I got an A on my test” “did you like the flowers I got for you”. With these statements and questions we are seeking affirmation. You look beautiful! You’re a good boy! I knew you could do it! That’s my scholar! The flowers are lovely! Wow, such a simple response generates great feelings in us. The line in the Kenny Chesney song “the good stuff” illustrates this well. “Eating burnt suppers the whole first year, and askin’ for seconds to keep her from tearin’ up, Yeah man, that’s the good stuff”. This man loved his wife and wanted her to be happy. She knew the suppers were poor but loved him more for for the affirmation he gave than had he been honestly appreciative of a well cooked meal. This is life and this is love and these are the small blessings that help make life worth living.
However, this is not limited to those we live with. We desire the approval of strangers as well. When I was younger and still learning to be a human being (as if the process ever stops) I couldn’t understand why complete strangers would smile and wave at me as they were driving by. Did I know them? Well, no. But in time I started to realize that I would feel good when this occurred. When I returned the smile and wave; that too made me feel good. Such a simple act with such profound consequences.
The aforementioned misanthrope stated that he resented being expected to open the door for a lady simply because he was male. Huh? What’s that got to do with anything. This is courtesy. This is saying to a stranger “I acknowledge you”. It costs me a few seconds of my time, so what! I can’t help but feel sorry for this man.
The world I want to live in is filled with smiles, good mornings, handshakes, thank you’s, hugs and simple kindnesses done for no other reason than to bring a little more joy to existence.
